She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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