im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
