He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
