Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
