Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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