im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need a beard to bite.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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