she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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