I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
