Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
