I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
