my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
