Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
