someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
