"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
