Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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