words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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