maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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