Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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