Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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