what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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