The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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