if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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