I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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