ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
