Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
