Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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