Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
