if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
