what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
