Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize