im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Send help, water and tortillas.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
