i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
