either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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