I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
