the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
