She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
