Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
