I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I believe in your delicious
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
