I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
