Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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