My sheets look like a crime scene.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
