wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
