I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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