and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
