just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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