I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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