Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
