we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
