I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize