sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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