Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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