fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
