exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
