There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
