I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Alive.
So much puke
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
