I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
