Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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