Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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