you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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