So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
