walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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