Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize