The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
