please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize