i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
