"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
