She said her name was "party"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
