Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
