So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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