I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
