After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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