i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
