I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
