you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize