so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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