I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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