Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
