he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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