If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
